Sunday, 31 May 2015

Day 11/12 - You have no money

(This is actually me!, on the left. doing Nadi Shodhana, Alternative nostril breathing.)

What happened yesterday? 
Don't have a clue...woke up in a panic this morning having realised that yesterday my day was so jam packed full of face painting, mothering, house cleaning, worrying about money, yogaing (to try to forget about the worrying) that writing seemed to pass me by without a thought! I need to put it as a reminder in my phone....along with everything else. I would be the worst parent at the school gates if I didn't have a rolling reminder in my phone telling me it is gym day...must put gym clothes on the boy...oh yeah....and also put the uniform into the bag, don't forget snack! I usually then put all reminders for the rest of that day/week in my phone after 9am, that means the boy is at school with everything he needs and all other "important" things will chime away as the day goes on! God....I hate that chiming noise, I sometimes switch it off without even looking at it. God....that can cause a few regrets!

Will need to remind myself to put that reminder in my phone about the writing challenge, the one that lasts 30 days consecutively, fuck, I failed. I fail at a lot of things in life and usually at the last hurdle. Its that notion that I think I can run faster than I actually can, that naive perception that I can do it. My brain never fully understands how intense or important something is at the time, I claim to have a degree, I don't have a full degree, because, as I said, I failed at the last hurdle. I wanted it, didn't actually need it, considering when I look around no one else who earned theirs is really using it for its purpose but still...I should not have failed, I should not have failed myself. 

That's a bit harsh on myself...or is it not! I only missed one day and I am trying to make up for it now. I still want to write what I know and write from my heart, bravely.

Today was less hectic than yesterday, no face painting, mothering and worrying were priority as usual but in the afternoon I had a yoga workshop for stress relief. It was for a few hours and included a lot of theory, which I am beginning to love. The yoga teacher reflected on the difference between information we have and knowledge we hold. It is only information to you if you cannot retain it, like when you google something you need to know one day but then have to google it again the next, because just information is hard to retain. Knowledge is when you feel it and just know it, you are involved fully in the learning process of it so that when someone asks you about it you can relay, with a passion, your true knowledge about it.

Halfway through the workshop. I felt somewhat vulnerable, I am not sure where these emotions came from. It happens a lot lately, a sudden wave of emotion just washing over me and it can't be controlled. Maybe I am not suppose to control it, I think I have to learn to accept the waves as they come and let them calm me, as real waves do, and flow and wash over me to release deep emotions in me. I felt a bit shaky, physically, in our asana practice I was off balance, slipping and shaking a lot. I actually feel like my emotions were doing something to my body, the teacher picked up on this, it was a big class! She approached me calmly and spoke to me about it, reassuring me that the deeper you go into yoga practice the more emotions you conjure up to the surface and that this was normal! We all want to be told we are normal...don't we! Am I normal though? I don't have another adult at home to go back to say have you ever felt this, have you ever felt that?? whats wrong with me?? Reassure me?? Contain me and my ever evolving, erratic, impermanent emotions!

During meditation, apart from trying to wiggle my foot out from under me as I was in agony with pins and needles and thinking "when is the 20 minutes up?", I started to appreciate the emotions I was feeling during the afternoon and release them, slowly. I then lost my Yoga Nidra virginity and this was something that truly helped me to release the tension in my body and mind. It was guided and when asked to visualise an intention, for me it was seeing myself teaching in a similar way to my yoga teacher today. I want to help others, and my visualisation saw me helping pregnant women, this was something I had been looking into in the last couple of weeks! I hope this comes true, I really hope it does. My body, mind and spirit want it but my logical brain screams "YOU HAVE NO MONEY"!

Who wants to fund my yoga teacher training? Anyone? Nope?
What if I say pretty please with a cherry on the top??
Still No?

Rachel Rose.x

Friday, 29 May 2015

Day 10 - Sun

I'm stuck now, why did I agree to this challenge from Kale and Cigarettes. I am not a writer, never have been. I mean I can write a poem or two now and again, but daily writing....what the hell did I sign up to this for. I don't even reach the 500 words everyday...Fuck!

It will just be boring to write about my day, saying that, its been a pretty good day. The sun came out (It's Scotland...need I say more.) and it always seems to make the day a little better, makes it feel less heavy. Rain and black clouds are heavy, really heavy when that is all you have seen for almost 8 months.....why do I live in Scotland again? For the sun of course d'uh! (I often swim in sarcasm just to keep it topped up).

 But the sun, that is a whole other feeling. in light as a feather, fresh and things look more blue, green, warm, blooming.....even nature is overwhelmed with gratitude when the sun is out. Yellow is the colour of optimism, it can stimulate the mind and spark creative ideas, I often find this. I am more creative and productive when the sun is out. I want to be outside, walking, running or just sitting somewhere with my eyes closed and feeling the heat on my skin....the beach is the best when I am not in this country. 6 weeks and I will be on a a beach...the countdown is on! Its been on for a while now.

 Back to my this all I have to write about, why can't I write something profound, witty and with intention. Maybe I do have a little intention, I mean I sat down and intended to write. I am lacking inspiration today.....the sun is out. I want to go outside and not be writing but I also want to write it right now so I can stop thinking about it, tick it off the to do list for the day. Let the thought of it float away and not come back...until tomorrow and the 19 days after that! Positive thought...once the 19 days are over I get to countdown in days, minutes...seconds (I went too far....right??) how long it will be until I land in sunshine....the real sun, you know the one where no clouds exist round it, or getting in the way of it. Scotland comes with clouds, its a given...its when there is only one cloud in the sky, not even hot sun, just sun, the Scottish feel the need to strip down to short shorts and bikinis to then complain its too hot....well....those are the ones that have not experienced the real sun, the sun close to the equator, the sun that has magic powers that help you drift in and out of thoughts more easily, that allow you to float into daydreaming, especially if you have the sound of the waves tumbling in and out. That's the sound of calm for me, that's what I crave and I crave it often. I get a high from the sun, a happy buzz, I want to do cartwheels and go on adventures, eat ice cream, experiment in my photography and eagerly anticipate how spectacular the sunset will be. 

 After my brief piece yesterday about my depression over the years I truly believe I have seasonal affective disorder. I can actually feel the sadness eroding me in early November of every year, I get really sad at that time of the year, cry a lot...cry even more when I think I am crying for no reason, pull out the warm hoodies and put the heating on for the winter. Waking up in the dark, going to work in the dark, coming home from work in the dark....its darkness...all darkness. The darkness makes me ill, in mind, body and spirit. Maybe its all of this that has attacked my physical health recently, I know they are all connected and being in a state of chaos is not helping....deep breath, keep it slow. Its time to find balance. It's May and we are all still waiting on the sun, its actually the main topic of conversation for people in this part of the world, we all have the same wish...The Sun! Well.....we have it today and I feel grateful for it...on my day off too.

  Lets get out the darkness. The Sun. I love it. I yearn for it and actually need it in my life. I connect with it in some way. It sprinkles magic on the earth for all to prosper....yellow is also the colour of prosperity, because it is the closest primary colour to gold. (Yeah... there is a swimming pool to swim in full of useless knowledge too!)

My day, who cares about that one ever asks me how my day is anyway. The sun is out, its time to take the boy on a long walk in grateful nature and ease my thoughts and wait to be sun stoned.....or just a little from, you know, the Scottish sun. I hold out for the sun of this summer in a beautiful place and hopefully surrounded by beautiful people....the ones who don't need to ask me about my day because they are part of it, walking beside me in the light.

Rachel Rose.x

Thursday, 28 May 2015

Day 9 - Broken wings.

I found the above  portrait while trying to feel inspired to write.....Like, actually been sitting here for an hour...what do I write today, what do I write...wait, I better cook dinner.......the boy shouting "Can I play outside"......Maybe I better actually put some washing in....since, you know as a parent you don't get a full two days off, one day ill is long enough (Just like this sentence)...oh look at that on pinterest, ill just scroll a little more....and where will today take me and what thoughts will arise and come out of me. I feel like if you force it, it isn't going to it! And you can breathe now!

Anyway,...derailed there (Just like this life of mine!)...what was I saying?? Yeah the portrait, a young photographer, Christian Hopkins, takes self portraits to cope with depression. I have scrolled through some of these photographs. Some of which are a little disturbing yet entirely intriguing. I think that they not only help him to cope with depression but depict it in a devastatingly beautiful way. The photos display the loneliness of mental health issues, even of being tired in life and unable to comprehend feelings with words. These self-portraits will certainly relate to a lot of people, I can relate to every single one. I do spend a lot of time trying to communicate my feelings with words but just can't do it, he has justified that we don't need to express ourselves with just words, we can use any outlet we need, anything we require at that moment in time.

I personally find myself connecting with the above image deeply, it represents that feeling of broken wings, of feeling trapped and alone. That there is no means of escape, no means of a new journey freely and actively. That our wings don't work anymore. When in times of deep depression it can rob the notion that you can be set free, no notion of moving forward with just positive thoughts...are positive thoughts just overrated anyway? From reading all the other challengees (Not a word!!...but you get it, right??) 500 words a day, we are all suffering in some way, we all want to purge the negative, get it all out. Do we always have to find the bright side? ......Eventually, hopefully, still in blind faith.

Lets just wallow at the dark side for a while, do you want to know why? Because when you step out into the light again, its so much brighter than it was before. You have to have lived in the pitch black of the darkest deepest hole to truly appreciate the light. It might blind you to start with but eventually your eyes adjust and it all becomes a little clearer, makes you know and understand the power of the light. It makes you an empath, one who can walk beside another in the dark and shine a little light on them. I am derailed reason or rhyme in my writing today, just purging.

Annnnywayy.....broken wings, I have had those, I know the feeling well. I currently feel this but not as intensely as a deep depression, which I have experienced on and off for half my life. I feel the trapped feeling, that I need an escapism but currently no way of becoming unstuck....yet. Keep it slow and steady. This too shall pass.....still repeating when necassary. 

I have a thing for angels, my house is full of them and those who know me well enough buy them for me! I do hope there is a guardian angel shining a light on me......for those times I tumble down the deep dark hole of depression, anxiety, panic and whatever feelings cause me to stumble and fall. 

Shine a light and put my wings back together.

Go check out the photos for yourself.....which one jumps out at you?

Rachel Rose.x

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Day 8 - A Lesson and a Blessing

So following on from yesterdays post "Slow down" I awoke at 4am with a terrible pain in my stomach then a sudden rush to the toilet, then up sick every half an hour after that. Once I was fully physically drained I crawled back into slumber and vivid dreaming to feel pain rushing up my back, aching and tingling. Turns out, having presented at the doctor's surgery white as a sheet and hobbling to her room, lets not forget make-upless and having not graced my hair with a brush through that morning, that I have a kidney infection. That stops you in your tracks...literally. 

Is this my lesson to slow down?, not only physically but mentally too. I have to just let go of the to do list for work, the one for home and the one for my mental notes about changes in my life. Even the list of topics to write about for this challenge, I need to just write about what comes to me at the time and not stress about it, instead embrace that it is a challenge, it is suppose to be, and when I do sit down to write, something will come to me, remembering this is mine, these are my words and they don't have to make sense or be written with perfect grammar or spelling. I even need to let go that the washing should be done and that the dirty dishes are piling up. Maybe the lesson is to slow down and not always be in such a rush to have everything done. I am not a perfect mother, homemaker or human. I just am. Let it be.

This could also be my blessing as the universe has given me no choice but to slow down, its a sign that it really is time the calm the chaos and reflect on what really is important and what I need to let go of. 

My eyes are barely staying open, I managed a shower and got cozy on my couch with a cup of lemon tea to flush out my system and calm me. I am no where near the 500 words today but I am blessed that I have actually written something, I am blessed that I only have a kidney infection and that I will recover and heal, slowly. All lessons can also become blessings.

To bed, to bed sleepy head.

Rachel Rose.x

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Day 7 - Slow Down

Its time to slow down. Calm the chaos. Reflect. Take the time to recharge. Chill out. Meditate. Breathe. Keep it simple.

I am really struggling with this concept of slowing down, Just a few months ago I could, then January hit and it has been non stop - and that is just my mind. Things have been rushed, I want to rush things, I don't really know why but I want to figure out what I love and to be there now, to find ways to get there quicker. I need to slow down and let things fall as they may. 

It is important to learn to have hope and, maybe, blind faith that things will, eventually, work out and the scattered pieces of the jigsaw will all come together in the right place and fit together to create a harmonious joyous life.  I feel surrounded by people who love what they do yet I am lost in transition, from one vocation to another...I am not living in a career, I am living for my pay check..(I got that pay check today to discover a very serious discrepancy in my pay leaving me short for the whole month....another coincidence to get me out of there!). I have passions and talents but those do not seem to create one, balanced career path. I am a Jane of all trades, so they say! I am also surrounded by people who just settle....that's it....that is the feeling I was looking to describe, unsettled, I am so unsettled. I am unsettled, in everything I do. I am on edge, buzzing somehow, not willing to "just settle" but unable to calm the buzzing long enough to figure it all out. I want to find my passion and grab it with all my might and utter determination and live, truly, deeply and passionately live. Am I the only one? The only one that doesn't have a clue what to do.....This too shall pass, This too shall pass....repeat when necessary. 

Slow Down

Its time my dear, to slow down my dear.
Take it easy and breathe.
Breathe a little deeper today, sigh a little louder.
Pray a little longer and stretch a little more.

Its time my dear, to focus, my dear.
Read a little more and dream a little higher.
Take a leap of faith with a hope in your heart.
Take another breath, my dear,

Its time my dear, to say your truth, my dear.
Eat a little less and move a little more.
Buy a little less, live more simply.
Lie down and take a nap, my dear.

Its time my dear, to change my dear,
Sit down, write it out, feel it out.
Let the emotions come and go.
Let it flow out of you, my dear.

Its time my dear, to say goodbye, my dear.
Reflect on the past, look into the future.
But sit in the present too, meditate.
Breathe even deeper, my dear.

Its time to move forward, my dear.
Seek a new path, cross over an ocean.
Swim in the sea, bask in the sun.
Keep the memories, my dear.

Its time, my dear.
Its time to figure it all out, or not my dear.
But know this for sure, you are here.
You are here right now, my dear.

Take another breathe,  my dear.
And slow down.

Rachel Rose.x

Monday, 25 May 2015

Day 6 - Festival Fun

This weekend I was invited to Volksfling Festival to face paint. Volksfling is a car show for Volkswagen and let me tell you, I have never seen so many VW Campervans in one place before. (and of course all the other VW'S you can get!!) This is held at Biggar, near Edinburgh!

It was so busy with families and fun. I was there for two days and think I painted over 200 faces.

When I go to events like this I truly enjoy it, it was amazing to be there and be a small part of it all. I love seeing people happy and having fun, by the time I closed up my stall on the Saturday night all the campers were cooking dinner on barbecues and chilling in the early evening sun. By the Sunday my inner hippy emerged and I had bought flowers for my hair and got myself a beautiful henna tattoo!

One of my dreams is to buy a Campervan and go round all the festivals face painting. A pipe dream maybe but when I talk to traders that is what they do and they all seem to love it.

I love meeting new people and over the years face painting I have built up more confidence and always make sure to go and talk to people and they always open my mind more, to ways of living and about life and making the most of it. They embrace the uncertainty of whether their trade will go well that weekend or not and if it doesn't they feel grateful and happy to be able to be part of these events. They travel the whole country and must meet some great people along the way as well as making a living. It truly is like living like a nomad!

Mmmmm....Maybe I should consider it, bite the bullet and make a big change in my life. Love what you do and you will never work a day in your life!

Now to figure out how to incorporate face painting and yoga into a career?!?!?!

Here are some photos!

(Squeezed in some Yoga)

Rachel Rose.x

Sunday, 24 May 2015

Day 5 - Nothing lasts forever.

Nothing in this life is permanent.

Feelings and emotions change, ebb and flow, wither and wane. On attending my first yin yoga class a couple of days ago this seems to have been a theme emerging in my life. During class the wonderful, calming teacher was also very educating in her teaching and used analogies and metaphor to deepen our thoughts and practice, she talked about the importance of yin within the body and even when we become stiff and stuck the use of yin yoga, and generally keeping active, can release the tension in not only our muscles but deep into our bones and connecting tissue. She said that " its like when you have a cold drink and the condensation runs down the side of the glass and you lift the glass to take a drink and the coaster is stuck on the bottom. It is only stuck there because it was not moving and inactive but when you lift the glass and move it the coaster becomes unstuck and falls away". Such a simple but effective analogy. In relation to the body, the use of movement and especially yin we can become "unstuck" and deepen into our practice and move through the journey to the self, knowing that we can change with practice.

On arrival home from this class I received my weekly newsletter from yoga with adreine, and, she too, touched on this theme of change and becoming unstuck and that nothing in this life stays the same. The journey of change is all we have, embracing it comes with practice.

Our yoga practice can teach us to slow down, I found that in my first yin yoga class, being mindful and present and the embracing of the impermanence of feelings and life's ups and down helps to release the panic of changes, enhances our capacity to feel empowered by the way things are in our life's and to overcome all encompassing emotions in a way and with a belief that we did not have before.

I feel that there are many coincidences happening around me lately (No Rachel.....Don't play victim to the mercury retrograde on this occasion, that excuse is all used up!!), I had just touched on this theme during this writing challenge a few days ago with This too shall pass!! My mantra of this year is seeing me through this journey to the self.

In the newsletter adriene wrote words from Rilke;

Let everything happen to you,
Beauty and terror,
No feeling is final.

Rachel Rose.x

 *Yin Yoga practice consists of holding each pose for a few minutes at a time to really deepen into the pose and become "unstuck". It really is a wonderful practice and looking forward to my next class already.

Saturday, 23 May 2015

Day 4 - Anger

Anger is a very overwhelming and confusing emotion, especially when you feel anger towards the ones you love and are closest to. You need to release the anger but not hurt them in the process, tricky tricky. I held on to the anger for a long long time, not even knowing it was building up, no awareness of it accumulating in me and hit me. I felt in shock and fuzzy (It's a word...honest). I have always held a little anger towards myself (still trying to figure that one out!) but I felt really strong anger towards myself.....all because I felt anger towards others. I wanted to get it all out of me knowing that it is an emotion that you cannot leave running through your system. 

I have worked through this alone, not knowing if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I have done some forgiving, in my heart. Yes, that includes being in the process of forgiving myself too. 

I had to get it out........

I feel it running through my veins, toxic, heated.
Nowhere to go but circulating, bubbling and boiling.

It's not even just a simmer, it's heat is pulsating,
a force unbidden yet unseen.

Searching for answers to release it, to feel cleansed
To halt the internal poisoning.

But coming up short as my mind is racing,
And ranting, relentless and frustrating.

I must clear my mind, my feelings and find it in me somewhere.
To forgive, to set free, to release, cleanse....purifying.

Sit on it, meditate on it, calm the chaos.
Slow down and stop the chasing.

Just feel, don't think. Take a breath.
And another. Releasing and freeing.

Watch it float away in the breeze.
Unrelenting and distancing.

I felt you, I felt you anger. I don't need you anymore.
I feel you leaving.

Rachel Rose.x

Friday, 22 May 2015

Day 3 - This too shall Pass

The story of 2015 so far has been a challenging one, think this has been my most challenging year to date, not a year of terrible things happening but of going inwards and really finding out things about myself I had to address. (Does this happen to anybody else when they turn 30?....nope, just me then!!) I have needed to let go, or at least try to learn to. I am currently learning to open my heart more and, with this current challenge, write from my heart, and to not hide in my shell so much (Yes, my star sign is Cancer).
This year an array of emotions have washed over me on a daily basis and these emotions have been chaotic, difficult to settle and ease. They have consisted of anger initially, anger from within then into despair and panic at having been so angry. I have experienced this emotion, if only briefly, but not to this extent and for an extended period of time. I have felt disheartened and dismayed at the prospect of a potentially good year very quickly going downhill but then realising it may just be the start of some life changes that are needed.
I started the year with great intentions, a list of New Year’s resolutions and high hopes to make this a busy and exciting year. This very quickly diminished with worries about health in my family, upset with two of my closest friends.... losing one and pushing the other one away, my Son not settling at school, starting a new job and feeling very isolated and alone.
I thank all the moons of this year, what have we had?....a couple of new moons, a new moon in Scorpio, a blood moon and an eclipse and we are now in a Mercury retrograde.(cough cough, just read an article about playing victim to the retrograde...Its my excuse and I'm keeping it!!) I believe I am a moon child, this universe is having an impact on me this year and I think I have felt it more from connecting inwardly through yoga, meditation and all the reading I do, thank you elephant journal!!
This, somewhat, leaves me with a positive spin on it because my mantra thus far has been “This too shall pass”, this mercury retrograde is still in flow and continuing through to the 11th June and in that time I know for me it is important to open my heart to new and exciting things, of connecting on a spiritual level and knowing that yes...this too shall pass.....while I dread the thought of another retrograde later in the year. I am, realistically, both positive and pessimistic at the same time...oh how I long to be the optimist.
2015 may just be the jump start I need to find my passions, or purpose and to seek those things more inwardly and connecting more.

Rachel Rose.x

Thursday, 21 May 2015

Day 2 - Mental Health

Day 2 - My assigment

I have recently been studying an online course called Mental Health and Psychology : Nature vs Nurture with the University of Liverpool here. This course is for 6 weeks and this week, which is week 5, we had a 500 word assignment, this is mine.  How fitting for my 500 words a day.

Maintaining your Mental Health.
There are many factors which can negatively influence a person’s mental health with relevant and appropriate strategies to alleviate these factors. I am going to look at 3 factors and example strategies for each.
The earliest factor to consider is pre-conception and the pre-natal period. This period is highly significant and teenage pregnancy plays its part in mental health issues occurring after the birth of the baby with a high risk of the baby then developing mental health issues in childhood, adolescence and adulthood.  During the pregnancy, especially in adolescent pregnancy, risk taking behaviours, such as smoking, drinking alcohol and taking drugs, may contribute to the factors which can negatively influence both the adult and baby’s mental health.  
The 2nd factor I am going to look at is the effects of Childhood trauma on mental health as an adolescent and adult. In research in recent years it has been discovered that traumatic events in childhood have a lasting negative influence on an adult’s mental health. There are lasting consequences from experiencing trauma as a child, such as sexual abuse or physical abuse, the main being Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)  which can arise in the late teen years and adulthood.
The final factor negatively influencing a person’s mental health can be the “work-life balance” (WHO, 2012) as an adult. There are detriments to mental health in a stressful work environment and not spending enough time with friends and family. On the other end of the scale unemployment has a negative influence on mental health with higher death rates. On both ends of the scale people may then disengage with leisure activities increasing negatives affects on well being and mental health.
 Early intervention and prevention is a vital strategy for the pre-conception and the pre-natal period, starting with education for young parents to be, one particular group is Mellow Parenting which involves an element of the programme called Mellow Bumps. Mellow Bumps is an engagement programme to promote early attachment with bump and preparation for labour with relaxation. That is just one example of a parenting group, but the World Health organisation (2012) states the importance of parent training and natal care. This early intervention may be vital to influence promotion of good self care enhancing a person’s mental health, therefore alleviating the negative influence on Mother and baby’s mental health in the future.  The 2nd and 3rd factors may require more intervention psychologically but also taking into account Peter Kinderman’s five ways to wellbeing. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one strategy and the Charity, Mind, explains “CBT is learning to break the cycle of negative thinking”. This is carried out with a trained therapist and can be a successful way to overcome symptoms of PTSD.  There also other intervention available, CBT is just one option.  Self- Help can be a very important strategy and using the five ways to well being can have a significant effect on Mental Health in general, PTSD and stressful work environments and unemployment. The five ways to well being include; getting active, giving, maintaining relationships, keep the mind active and be mindful. Self- care can empower and motivate people to overcome negative feelings of mental health and PTSD.
This is a very brief overview of factors which can negatively influence a person’s mental health with strategies for each. There are, however, many more factors as is strategies.

WHO (2012).  Risks to Mental Health: An overview of vulnerabilities and risk factors.
 Background paper by who secretariat for the development of
a comprehensive mental health action plan.

Kinderman P (2014) A Prescription for Psychiatry: Why We Need a
Whole New Approach to Mental Health and Wellbeing. Palgrave Macmillan.
London. pp 110-113.

NHS Confederation Fact Sheet (2011).

I received some really good feedback...I am so pleased.

Rachel Rose.x

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Day 1 - 500 words a day.

Day 1 – 500 words a day writing experiment
Thanks to inspiration from a blog by Kirk Henlser I have decided to take the 500 words per day for 30 days challenge.
The rules for the challenge are as follows (as written on the blog) –
“1) Write 500 words per day on any subject for any reason at any time for 30 CONSECUTIVE days.

(Failure to write 500 words per day for 30 straight days won’t cause you any bodily harm in the way of our bodyguards coming to your house and going after you with the belt strap but it will emotionally confirm your own fears of your inability to follow through on the simplest of tasks so my suggestion is to suck it up and even if you have to hit the “f” key 500 times and post that and call it a poem on the foundation for the word fuck then do that before you no-show).
2) Post your 500 words on Facebook and tag @kaleandcigarettes and #500wordsaday.
(This is the scary part, sharing your writing, because a lot of us, if not all, think that we actually quite suck at writing and that people will hate our guts for our thoughts but the reality here, and the whole value of this experiment, is working through that fear and realizing the only time we’re ever happy with our work is when we write from the heart). ((Pss – this takes practice. No shortcuts. Just the work)). -End scene-
Numero Tres) Maybe we’ll have a “group” on FB. I’m not sure yet the consequences of this action. Standby.
Long story short – this is really easy. And what will happen is the development of your writing craft and your ability to decipher the difference between bullshit writing and writing from the heart.” Kirk Hensler.

(So this whole sharing on Facebook idea would be the most challenging thing for me as I’m one of those “in the closet” bloggers, not one for sharing this little space I have yet.) Maybe sharing on Google+ will be a start for me!!
I like the end, writing from the heart. This reflects on my previous post, this is a challenge to follow through on Just Write….

I think it is important to challenge yourself and this is something that will be good for me, to empty my monkey mind on a daily basis. They do say a habit is created in 21 days so here goes.

I will be kind to myself too and on the days it is too hard to write I will share some of my photography or creativity, bravely and wholeheartedly.

Rachel Rose.x


Monday, 18 May 2015

Just Write.....

I started this blog in the hope that I would be encouraged and motivated to write yet I have found myself completely stuck on what to write, where to look for inspiration and how to be true to myself.

"Write what your heart tells you"....What does my heart tell me??

 I know what my head tells tells me that I am confined by the rules of language, grammar and spelling. I have always had doubts about my writing and this was reinforced at university when I would fail not on my content or research but on my ability to write plain old English. I need to set myself free from my own restraints, my own beliefs I have created and maintained over the years. I need to find my focus, the focus on my imagination. I like to write but my capacity to write wavers. I need to let go of all that. I need to grow and evolve and write what my heart tells me.

My heart wants to connect, My heart wants to be inspired yet inspire others. I want to share in the good my upcoming travels but also on the down days when a poem or the need to write comes to me. My heart loves to be creative, to take photos when out for a walk or when I am out working (Face Painting). Maybe I should start to share more, actually use this blog that I created as my own little space and if someone reads it great but if not then I will have released whats in my heart...set it free, let it go. Letting go of what no longer serves me.

This is now my goal...a small step into becoming more of me, more of my truth. I will write.....Just write.

Rachel Rose.x