Thursday, 28 May 2015

Day 9 - Broken wings.

I found the above  portrait while trying to feel inspired to write.....Like, actually been sitting here for an hour...what do I write today, what do I write...wait, I better cook dinner.......the boy shouting "Can I play outside"......Maybe I better actually put some washing in....since, you know as a parent you don't get a full two days off, one day ill is long enough (Just like this sentence)...oh look at that on pinterest, ill just scroll a little more....and where will today take me and what thoughts will arise and come out of me. I feel like if you force it, it isn't going to it! And you can breathe now!

Anyway,...derailed there (Just like this life of mine!)...what was I saying?? Yeah the portrait, a young photographer, Christian Hopkins, takes self portraits to cope with depression. I have scrolled through some of these photographs. Some of which are a little disturbing yet entirely intriguing. I think that they not only help him to cope with depression but depict it in a devastatingly beautiful way. The photos display the loneliness of mental health issues, even of being tired in life and unable to comprehend feelings with words. These self-portraits will certainly relate to a lot of people, I can relate to every single one. I do spend a lot of time trying to communicate my feelings with words but just can't do it, he has justified that we don't need to express ourselves with just words, we can use any outlet we need, anything we require at that moment in time.

I personally find myself connecting with the above image deeply, it represents that feeling of broken wings, of feeling trapped and alone. That there is no means of escape, no means of a new journey freely and actively. That our wings don't work anymore. When in times of deep depression it can rob the notion that you can be set free, no notion of moving forward with just positive thoughts...are positive thoughts just overrated anyway? From reading all the other challengees (Not a word!!...but you get it, right??) 500 words a day, we are all suffering in some way, we all want to purge the negative, get it all out. Do we always have to find the bright side? ......Eventually, hopefully, still in blind faith.

Lets just wallow at the dark side for a while, do you want to know why? Because when you step out into the light again, its so much brighter than it was before. You have to have lived in the pitch black of the darkest deepest hole to truly appreciate the light. It might blind you to start with but eventually your eyes adjust and it all becomes a little clearer, makes you know and understand the power of the light. It makes you an empath, one who can walk beside another in the dark and shine a little light on them. I am derailed reason or rhyme in my writing today, just purging.

Annnnywayy.....broken wings, I have had those, I know the feeling well. I currently feel this but not as intensely as a deep depression, which I have experienced on and off for half my life. I feel the trapped feeling, that I need an escapism but currently no way of becoming unstuck....yet. Keep it slow and steady. This too shall pass.....still repeating when necassary. 

I have a thing for angels, my house is full of them and those who know me well enough buy them for me! I do hope there is a guardian angel shining a light on me......for those times I tumble down the deep dark hole of depression, anxiety, panic and whatever feelings cause me to stumble and fall. 

Shine a light and put my wings back together.

Go check out the photos for yourself.....which one jumps out at you?

Rachel Rose.x

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