Anger is a very overwhelming and confusing emotion, especially when you feel anger towards the ones you love and are closest to. You need to release the anger but not hurt them in the process, tricky tricky. I held on to the anger for a long long time, not even knowing it was building up, no awareness of it accumulating in me and then....bang....it hit me. I felt in shock and fuzzy (It's a word...honest). I have always held a little anger towards myself (still trying to figure that one out!) but I felt really strong anger towards myself.....all because I felt anger towards others. I wanted to get it all out of me knowing that it is an emotion that you cannot leave running through your system.
I have worked through this alone, not knowing if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I have done some forgiving, in my heart. Yes, that includes being in the process of forgiving myself too.
I had to get it out........
I feel it running through my veins, toxic, heated.
Nowhere to go but circulating, bubbling and boiling.
It's not even just a simmer, it's heat is pulsating,
a force unbidden yet unseen.
Searching for answers to release it, to feel cleansed
To halt the internal poisoning.
But coming up short as my mind is racing,
And ranting, relentless and frustrating.
I must clear my mind, my feelings and find it in me somewhere.
To forgive, to set free, to release, cleanse....purifying.
Sit on it, meditate on it, calm the chaos.
Slow down and stop the chasing.
Just feel, don't think. Take a breath.
And another. Releasing and freeing.
Watch it float away in the breeze.
Unrelenting and distancing.
I felt you, I felt you anger. I don't need you anymore.
I feel you leaving.