Monday, 8 June 2015

Day 20 - I am seeking a sign.

(own photo)

I am stuck on what to write now, really stuck, Even googled writing prompts...stupid idea. I have been thinking a lot lately about what to do with my life and trying to "find my purpose"...seems a common theme over the last few months with those around me and in general. I had read an article on Elephant journal....probably one of the many in regards to the mercury retrograde...and I always read the profile of the writer and she said that she is multi careered....Maybe that is actually me. I have too many things going on to just focus on the one thing, I was face painting on Saturday for 11 hours straight and I loved every minute of it, but I loved it because it was not an every day situation and would the passion for it wear thin if it was something I did have to do every day. I wish there was someway to combine all my creativities into one path and put my red high heels on and start strolling down the smooth yellow brick road...although the yellow brick road leads to many obstacles and the reality and truths, not so good truths. So this can't be the path I need to walk down, I am not Dorothy, but another. I am standing at a crossroad...only in my mind a crossroad has three choices and your past....I am at the centre of, at least, 6 roads so that makes things more complicated.
I do know the only way I cannot go is back, I also can only choose one path but which one? I doubt my bravery...daily. I would love to "quit my job and do what I love". I don't know what I love anymore, I don't know what my heart is telling me, I just don't's that simple.
I am not sure if that is an okay state of mind or not, should I just accept for now that this is how I feel? what can I do to find my passion and follow through on that? How do I find what I love, do it and still be a responsible parent? 
 I rarely get perspective on topics like this in my life due to spending so much time on my own, only having my own thoughts to compete with. 
 I do often think that coincidences happen for a reason though, like today, I had booked to go to the business gateway to speak to an advisor about setting up another business, I had my doubts last night, not sure if I have the motivation to push through and go ahead when I have no support behind me, I get a call at 9am to tell me that the advisor had to cancel as she was ill, no offer of rescheduling to another time. Is that a sign? a sign that it is not time to go through with that idea? Is the universe preventing one project because there is something else for me?
 Contradictions often piss me off too....on the one hand you should work really hard and push through every difficulty to achieve the best you can be, on the other you should slow down and your passion will find you when you are ready, what to do?
I can't spend my life in limbo....hopefully I am just hanging out here for a while!! Anyone want to hang out with me?

Universe, I am seeking a sign.

Rachel Rose.x

500 words a day challenge from Kale and Cigarettes.

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